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Pool Shootin' Monkey
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Way back in the jungle, far off in the sticks.
The baboon run a pool hall for all the muthafuckin slicks.
The baboon was slick and also very cool.
He was so goddamn good he couldn't fnd anybody who could shoot him a game of pool.
But up drove the monkey from the coconut grove.
You could tell he was a player by the clothes he wore.
He wore some alligator shoes and some double knit slacks.
Booty whipped coat with a belt in the back.
Black velvet vest,
Diamond stick pin in his muthafuckin chest.
He didn't have as much hair as you had on your ass,
But what little he did he had that gassed.
He drove up in a long Cadillac with gold handles on each door.
In the backseat he had four good-cock monkey whores.
He said, "Girls, be cool."
"While I go in and shoot this ugly baboon a game of pool."
He said, "Hey brother baboon, I just got the news from the squirrel,"
"That you was the best pool shooter in the world."
"You skinnin and grinnin and havin fun,"
"So hop here you ugly muthafucka and shoot me one."
He monkey grabbed his stick and chalked it well.
I knew by that the baboon was gonna catch a whole lotta hell.
One the break he dropped the one, two and three.
And said, "You ugly muthafucka, you shouldn't have fucked with me."
He banked the four, five and six.
Not with the pool stick but with the head of his muthafuckin dick.
He put the seven and the eight in the side.
And hot scalding water came from the baboon's eye.
He railed the nine and the ten.
And by that time the old money's dick had begin to bend.
He put cross corner english on the eleven and the twelve.
Everybody said, "Mr. Monkey you raisin a whole lotta hell."
He put his dick in his pants
And left the whole muthafuckin pool hall in a trance.
The thirteen was close to the rail.
He knocked it in with his muthafuckin tail.
The fourteen and fifteen was tightly froze.
He knocked em in with both eyes closed.
The baboon looked at the monkey and said, "You think you hot,"
Sais, "This muthafucka done run all these balls and I ain't even got a shot."
The baboon told the monkey, "You done beat me twice."
"But I got a brand new pair of drug store dice."
The monkey said, "Dice ain't my shot,"
"But I got a brand new deck of fifty-twos if you can break up the pot."
Said, "You know Zeke from across the creek?"
"I cooned his ass for a solid week."
"If you find you a stump to fit your rump,"
"I'll coon your ass till your asshole jump."
Down at the old Cod Creek was a swingin little place.
Where the lion was a bouncer and brother bear was his ace.
If you'd buy a drink and wouldn't give the other animals a glass,
Brother lion would take your drink and brother bear would kick your ass.
The monkey grabbed the deck and dealt real fast.
The baboon said, "Don't you try no shit cause I'll pull out my razor and cut you dead on your ass."
The monkey took the deck in and spreaded short queens.
Put a switch on the deck ain't nobody seen.
The baboon pulled and dissed the tres.
But the monkey got out another way.
He dropped three tres, four sevens and hit himself with a queen.
He said, "It might look shitty but it's damn sure clean."
"Now you came out here and you thought you was it."
"Now you done lost your money and you wanna start some shit."
The baboon jumped up real fast.
And the monkey said, "You reach for n'ere a penny Imma shoot you dead in yo ass."
"Now don't stand up there with that shitty-ass grin."
"When you go and pawn yo coat Imma coon yo ugly ass again."
"Now you betta get yo funky nuts up out the sand,"
"Cause if you don't I'm gonna make you up that quarter you owe the rat man."
"I am the pool shootin' monkey!"Copyright © Rudy Ray Moore
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