Always one to follow internet fads, the latest one to catch my attention is people drawing themselves as a teen. There's some mighty fine examples here.

Here's mine:



'Nuff said.

I've been a fan of Squidbillies on Adult Swim for a couple of years now. For me to try to explain the premise here would be fruitless, suffice it to say it's about hillbilly squids from Georgia.

As I am want to do from time to time, I read through the credits to see who does the voices. The lead character, Early Cuyler, is played by someone with the enigmatic title, Unknown Hinson.

I've known about Unknown Hinson for a while now but never really made that connection. He's a psychobilly country and western troubadour who plays small venues primarily in the south but his website has him gigging as far away as California. He looks like a cross between Dracula's inbred cousin and Porter Waggoner, sings like one of the Louvin Brothers, and plays the guitar like Jimi Hendrix. If I had to compare his overall sound, I would say it's Southern Culture on the Skids minus the surf guitar with an extra spoonful of country and western. At least that's what it was on stage...

When I found out Unknown Hinson was coming to town, I made sure to be there. I needed to witness his glorious mutton-chops in person. I was able to sucker a friend into going with me on the promise of food and a show. I couldn't guarantee that the show would be any good and I hated for him to gamble his money on a risky musical venture. Being my idea, I took all the risk.

It began with good omens all around. We walked into the room just moments before Unknown Hinson took the stage. The next thing I knew, I was involuntarily nodding my head to the "chunk chunk" of his Reverend guitar and picking out his voice from the noise. It was dulcet tones of Early Cuyler. There was no doubt about it. I smiled. In fact I smiled so much it made my face hurt.

His band was a simple trio, honed and perfected through years of touring backwater, country bergs. It was Unknown Hinson on lead, Roger "Tiny" Kohrs on bass, and Frank "The Tank" Sorrell on drums. Tiny resembled a mustachioed polar bear stuffed in a black suit while Tank's horseshoe-bald head glistened as he pounded the skins. It was a sight to behold for sure.

The band plowed through their many "chart toppers" like I Ain't Afraid of Your Husband, Peace Love and Hard Liquor, Pregnant Again, and Your Man is Gay. Sadly though, the show had to come to an end, but not before an encore of Jimi Hendrix that set the amps on fire.

On my way out, I laid out some bread for his latest CD, Target Practice. Although my first impression was a little suspect with the ringing ears and all, I could already hear something different. The next day, I took to the task of absorbing the entire album. Turns out it wasn't my ears! It was like listening to a completely different show. There was no mistaking Unknown Hinson's familiar twang, but the chunk of his Reverend was gone, to be replaced by synthesized strings and a slide guitar. The drums were relegated to the mix while the bass was almost non-existent. I was saddened and disheartened. Yet, the more I listen, the more it grows on me.

The saddest thing is that if I had heard the CD prior to going to the show, I would have skipped it... not really my cup of tea. But I went, and now I'm a fan. I just wish there was a way to capture the energy we saw on stage that night. (Live CD anyone? Bootlegs? Hook a brutha up!)

I still can't help but wonder how the live show can be so totally different from the studio in every way. I suppose along with everything else about Unknown Hinson, it will have to remain a mystery.

What is it with cable companies? Why do they suck universally? Is it because you are forced into their ala carte pricing structure and are unable to purchase the equipment that's in your house? Is it the ineptitude of the customer service reps and the idiotic repair technicians? Or is it both?

Recently, I had my beloved MOXI DVR die because of a bad power supply. I wasn't actually shocked by this because that thing ran hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock. It rivaled the PS3 for sheer BTUs. Still, it was a pretty decent little DVR and the best thing about it was that you could connect a drive of any size via USB and basically have limitless recording capability. A handy little feature if you watch as much HD programming as I do.

I called Charter to request a new box. As with everything they do, you can't just go to their office and get one, a "technician" has to bring it out and install it for you. This process is an utter and complete waste of time, and don't give me that bullshit about them having to use their PDAs to authenticate is on the Charter network. The technology exists for the homeowner to install it themselves. Just look at DISH and DirecTV. You go to the store, buy a box, call them up, and BAM! It's active. It's a control thing. If they can make you feel as helpless as possible, you'll be their willing pawn.

I get my appointment scheduled and a few days later some human debris shows up at my house with another MOXI box. At this point, I am happy. But alas, it was not to be for long. He was unable to get it to work on the Charter system. Amazing. The only reason he had come to my house in the first place was to hook this thing up and he failed at that. Should he have tested it out before wasting my time and his? I don't know, you tell me.

So, five hours later he returns with a new Motorola DVR, the DCH6416. It's a streamlined hunk of shit with the worst GUI in the history of mankind. Oh, but it has a 160GB hard drive. Yippee! I think my nephew's LeapFrog has more capacity than that. Try recording HD programming on a 160GB hard drive and see how quickly it fills up.

I asked the idiot who brought it, "Can I connect an external drive to it?" He replies that you can and he has seen it done. Then he's out the door without a word on how this is to be accomplished.

The back of the 6416 has three ports: USB, SATA, and Firewire. I hook up my USB drive and verify that the secret diagnostic menu shows the drive connected, but the software does not recognize or format it. I pick up the phone and ask the Charter rep somewhere in Canada. "Can I connect an external drive to it?" He replies that you can and he has seen it done. Ok. Great.

I decide to shell out $120 for a new external SATA/Firewire drive. I verify in both cases that the system recognizes the drives but will not format them. So, I call Charter again and ask, "Can I connect an external drive to it?" He replies that you can and he has seen it done. He recommends that they send another tech out to figure out what's wrong.

Two days later, a Charter technician shows up. Before he even steps foot in my house he says, "I'm not sure about these boxes. I've been talking to my supervisor trying to get an answer." This begs the question, "Why are you here then?" This is the second person they have sent to my house to perform a specific task and was unable to do so. If this was my job, I would fully expect to be fired, but these guys probably got a raise.

However, since I am a nice guy I let him in to look at the box. Maybe he'll have some revelation on the way in. My hopes are dashed when I see him cock his head like a dog listening to a silent whistle. He gets down on his ass and presses a few buttons to try to get to the diagnostic screen. When he finally finds it (a process I am able to do in about 2 seconds) he looks at all the options EXCEPT the ones regarding the port activity and HDD status. I HAD TO SHOW HIM!

Finally, he gives up. So I ask him why he bothered to come if he had no idea what he was doing. He just shrugged his shoulders, got in his van, ate some lead paint chips, and drove away. I immediately picked up the phone to ask Charter why they insist on wasting my time with these pieces of human debris and what it would take for me to get my question answered.

The rep informs me that the ability to add a drive to the 6416 is not an option. O RLY? Not necessarily the answer I wanted to hear but at least it was a definitive answer, and it only took a two weeks! The only problem is that I died a little inside during all of this.

The main problem with a large, outside company controlling the cable contract in the area is that there is no accountability for the independent contractors. If I wanted to complain about these morons, who do I call? The "customer care center" doesn't know who these people are. They're just numbers in their system that they assign these jobs to. When their job performance becomes a integral part of the terms of their employment, service is bound to improve. Until then, we're left to suffer the whims of the retarded.

Now excuse me, I'm off to try to hack my cable box.

P.S. - If there weren't so many trees around my house I could go back to DirectTV with Tivo. Until those trees fall down, I'm stuck with Charter and there shitty contractors and useless call center.