The Deodorant Recipe

For those of you not familiar with Asheville, NC, it’s like a little taste of Haight-Ashbury on the East Coast. It wasn’t always like this. I guess it was just a logical progression from poor mountain folk to dirty hippies.

It’s not often I get the opportunity to do gay rape jokes in front of a crowd lesbians, so I jumped at the chance. Every good comedian knows that misogyny and liberalism are a match made in heaven. I did my five minutes and after I was chased off the stage, I decided to belly-up to the bar and have a barbecue sandwich. While I was eating, a couple of hippy girls sat next to me and one said to the other, “I need to get your deodorant recipe.”

Do I taste Everclear?

I thought, “This ought to be interesting because I have no idea where you would locate methlypolystearate at such a late hour.”

As it turns out, the actual deodorant recipe consisted of Everclear (yes, the cheap-ass vodka), orange oil, and lemon oil. She went on to explain that her “recipe does nothing to prevent sweating, but it does kill the bacteria that causes the body odor.”

Ewwww. But the real kicker is what she said next:

“Just remember, when you make it, be sure to add some denatured alcohol so it will taste bad. This will keep people from drinking it.”

Ewwww! Really? If her deodorant recipe is so irresistibly tasty, I can’t wait to try her homemade douche on a Caesar salad.

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